Never The Same
by azbutterfly
Summary: Three years after the Quarter Quell the disctrics are in rebellion but must still endure the Hunger Games. As Kaniss and Peeta try to live normal lives, an unexpected twist in the Reaping is announced and thier world is turned upside down.
1. Afraid

CHAPTER 1: AFRAID

I don't own the Hunger Games but I am envious that the magnificent Suzanne Collins does : )

I woke up screaming again. Even the space of four years could not erase the nightmares that the Hunger Games gave me. Peeta laid there next to me, running his hand along my arm, soothingly.  
"Mutts?" he asked me. He had the uncanny ability to guess what my nightmares were about. Usually he guessed right, like the terror in eyes or the pitch of my scream somehow tipped him off. But today he was wrong.  
"No, it wasn't the mutts," I whispered. I rolled over and gazed into his blue eyes. His blond hair was a mess but he was still handsome. I knew he would ask if I didn't tell him, so I continued, "This one was about you…"  
"Oh," he said quietly. Usually when I dreamt about him I would lie and tell him some other reason for my nightmare. Every dream about Peeta ended with his death. This he knew so he didn't press for further details.  
I felt that all too familiar roll in my stomach and I knew I was going to be sick. Not wanting to worry him just yet, I kissed Peeta softly and then walked to the bathroom. There was no hiding it at this point so I didn't try to be quiet as I lost the contents of my stomach. It had been like this almost every morning for the past three weeks. I knew what he was thinking, and I also knew that he was right. I rinsed out my mouth and brushed my teeth before I left the bathroom. As I walked back to our bed, Peeta looked at me with worried, knowing eyes.  
"Katniss…" he murmured in my direction. He sat up and held out his arms. I walked straight to the bed and curled up in his embrace. He held me close and waited for me to speak. My eyes stung with the tears that I knew I could no longer hold back. There was no way to deny the future now.  
"I'm so scared Peeta," I sobbed into his chest. "How can we bring a child into a world like this? How can we subject them to the same tortures we've had to live through?" There was next to no hope left in the world. How could I hope to raise a child in it?  
"You're sure?" He asked very seriously.  
"Yes, I talked to my mother about it and I went to see a doctor yesterday. I'm farther in than I thought…"  
"How far?" He asked, sounding a bit surprised.  
"Ten weeks," I admitted. His eyebrows shot up in sure surprise. I knew he was more excited than he was letting on. He'd wanted a baby since we got married three years ago. But he knew that the very idea of having children terrified me to the very core, so he was patient. Patient, and very supportive. He proved his love for me daily by respecting my fears. But all bets were off now, I was pregnant.  
I took a deep breath and let a small smile spread across my face. Despite my crippling fear, a small part of me was excited to be a mother. I let Peeta see this joy and he began to smile more widely. He took my face in his hands, looked me in the eyes and said,  
"Katniss, you have to know that I am just as scared as you about all of this. But despite it all, I am so happy! You make me so proud. Do you have any idea how much I love you?" His smile was so big I was sure his face could have cracked. He laid me back down then, carefully placing my head on a pillow and kissed me. He kissed my lips, my nose, my eyes; he trailed kisses down my neck and back up my jaw line. Then I lost all notions of time and space and gave myself up to him. This man whom I loved more than anything. This man who made me feel so safe and happy and confident.

As I made dinner that night, I remembered for the millionth time the days that I had waited to know if Peeta was alive after the Quarter Quell. I learned so many things about myself in those two weeks it took to get him out of the arena. As I waited for any news, any at all, Gale was always by my side. He held me as I cried out of fear and out of anger. He listened as I ranted and yelled about unfair politics. But I realized that it was not his embrace that I craved, it was Peeta's. I noticed that it was not Gale I dreamt about all night long, it was Peeta. Gale heard, as did anyone within hearing range, that it was not his name I screamed as I awoke night after night from the terrifying nightmares. It was Peeta's.  
The day that they finally brought Peeta to District Thirteen, I was relieved and mortified at the same time. I watched as they rushed him into the makeshift hospital. He was bruised and bloody. A gash over his left eye was deep red and swollen with infection. His right arm was twisted at an awkward angle that I knew meant it was broken. I could see that he took only shallow, sporadic breaths. The doctors wouldn't let me in to see him for days. They said he was conscious, but delirious with pain and a fever that they couldn't seem to control. They feared that the apparent infection over his eye had spread throughout his body. I hardly slept and ate nothing as I waited for the call to tell me that Peeta was dead. Finally the call came, but the voice on the other end was not telling me that he was dead. His fever had broken. He was awake and was asking for me.  
I wasted no time in getting to the hospital and fell to the side of his bed in tears. I apologized for being such a stubborn, bull-headed girl and told him with all the feeling I could muster that I loved him more than anything. He understood what I meant as I struggled to make the words come out right. He took my hand and held it for a long time.

He came up behind me then, wrapping his arms around my middle, letting one hand rest on my stomach.  
"I love you Katniss Everdeen Mellark." He whispered into my ear. I closed my eyes and breathed in his scent. The moment was perfect. Then we heard a knock on the front door.


	2. Old Friends

CHAPTER 2: Old Friends

I do not own The Hunger Games…but I kinda wish I did

The knock was nothing special, but its sudden interruption of our happy moment scared me. In my moment of shock I dropped the spoon I was stirring with, splashing the scalding hot soup all over my hand. Peeta was still holding me, but he was unscathed.

"Calm down, Katniss!" He said calmly, "It's probably just your mother or Prim…" They came over to visit often, Prim especially liked to come over for dinner. But I still lived in fear that some Capitol official would show up at our door and take Peeta away from me. I knew that my fear shone in my eyes, but Peeta's warm smile calmed me a little. He may have been having the same thoughts, but he was much better at disguising them than I was.

"I'll go get the door. You run your hand under some cold water before your skin blisters. If that happens I will never hear the end of it from your mother." He finished with a sly smile on his face and walked to the door as I turned on the tap. I had a brief vision of what this experience would have been like back in District Twelve. There was never cold water… ever. And now all I had to do was turn on a tap and there it was, pouring out in abundance. I heard Peeta's footsteps as he crossed to the door then turned down the water pressure so I could hear what he was saying.

"Gale, how are you?" I heard him say. Gale? What was Gale doing here? We hadn't spoken in the past couple weeks since I told him that I suspected I was pregnant. We had stayed friends even after I married Peeta, but I knew he was still bitter about my choice despite the fact that he was now married and had a son. His reply to Peeta was a bit terse.

"I'm fine, thank you. Is Katniss home?"

"Yes, she's in the kitchen. Come in! How are Alexa and Aidan?" Peeta was always the gentleman. He was never boastful about the fact that I had chosen him over Gale. He knew how difficult the situation had been for the both of us.

Alexa was Gale's wife. He married Alexa Clome about a year after Peeta and I were married. Their son Aidan was born a short seven months later. They told everyone that baby Aidan had simply been born early, but I knew otherwise. We may not have been the best of friends any more, but Gale still confided in me. No matter the circumstances, Gale did love Alexa. He was completely devoted to her and their son despite his feelings about my marrying Peeta. The two men walked into the kitchen then and Peeta came to my side.

"How is your hand?" He enquired.

"It's fine." I replied quietly, keeping my burnt hand behind my back, not wanting to have to explain my clumsiness to Gale. "Hello Gale," I said then, still wondering why he had come. "It's nice of you to drop by. Would you like to stay for dinner?" My calm civility was measured, I was only waiting for him to deliver whatever message he came with so that he could leave.

"No thank you, I just wanted to let you know about something that I heard at work today." He suddenly looked worried. He could have just called… this must be something important.

"Well," I prodded impatiently, "Go on…"

"One of the men in my division is related to a Hunger Games coordinator, and apparently he heard some details about the next Games." He wouldn't make eye contact as he said any of this, and it made me worry. In an effort to lighten the mood a bit I said,

"It's a little early for rumors to start floating around, isn't it? I mean the Reaping isn't for another three months…" Neither Gale nor Peeta seemed to take any humor in this. Peeta dropped his gaze to the floor. "Why will neither of you look at me? Will someone _please _tell me what is going on?" My voice began to rise and Peeta placed a hand on my shoulder. He clearly had no intention of speaking up, so Gale continued.

"They've decided to change up the Reaping this year,"

"But it's not even close to the next Quarter Quell…" I interrupted.

"Please Katniss, just let me finish before you start going off on me!" He looked in my eyes for the first time and I nodded my consent. "They have decided that the Games are more exiting when it is the older teens who are thrown into the arena. So this year they've doubled all the existing entries for the fifteen through eighteens in addition to adding more entries based on how many times the family has claimed Tesserae." Gale knew he didn't have to explain any more, he let me do the math in my head. Prim. Prim would have about thirty entries based on her age alone with this new rule. Not to mention all the entries she would get as a result of how many times I had claimed Tesserae. Could time not erase the grudge the Capitol held against me? Sure, there were others who would feel the pain of the new regulations. Gale had two siblings who fell into the victimized age range. I looked at Peeta. He dropped his had from my shoulder and would not make eye contact again.

"You knew didn't you?" I accused him. He gave nothing in reply. His facial expression turned to that one that I could always tell meant that he was keeping something from me. I became all too familiar with that look while we were in the Games. "Peeta, please," I began again, "how long have you known?"He looked at me then with pain in his eyes.

"I heard two weeks ago at a meeting with some Capitol officials." He saw my expression darken and he quickly added, "I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to worry. Like you said before, it's still really early for rumors to circulate. No matter how plausible this one sounds…" his voice dropped to a mumble at the end.

"You didn't want to worry me? You don't think I have a right to know that my sister has an almost certain chance of becoming a tribute this year? That the Capitol is rigging the games to specifically target us and our families? As if finding out later rather than sooner would make me worry any less! At least if I knew of an increased chance I could spend time trying to prepare Prim!" I was yelling at Peeta now. Glancing over, I saw a smirk on Gale's face. This had been his whole goal in coming over here, to make me angry at Peeta. "What are you smiling at?" I demanded. "Your siblings are in just as much danger as Prim!" I knew he was just feeling smug about getting Peeta in trouble. I looked back at Peeta now, fully expecting a response to my previous accusations. His face turned from guilt to fear.

"Katniss, you can't even think of trying to train Prim now! Not… not like this." I knew exactly what he was talking about. Gale however, was left in the dark.

"What is he talking about Katniss? You can't train her like what?" Realization dawned on him as he finished his question. He must have remembered our conversation a few weeks ago. "You're not… I mean really Katniss, you can't be serious… are you absolutely sure?" Gale asked, seeming bewildered.

"What kind of stupid question is that? Of course she's sure." Peeta almost yelled back at him.

"You have no right to talk to him like that!" I shot back a Peeta. "It's only thanks to him that I am now aware that my only sister is currently hurtling towards… certain death…" I could see the room spinning around me, but I wasn't aware of the fact that I was falling until I heard both Peeta and Gale gasp and felt Peeta's arms catch me as I slumped to the floor. As soon as I was sure the walls were done spinning I wrenched myself free from Peeta's arms and glared at him. I only remembered Gale's presence when I heard him say,

"I should probably get going…"

"I'll walk you out," I said as I stood shakily and made my way towards the door. "Thank you for coming Gale," I said quietly as he walked out. "I don't know if Peeta would have told me about the new rules until… well until it was too late."

"You're welcome Catnip. What are old friends for?" He shot me that smile I had always loved, though it no longer gave me butterflies in my stomach as it once did.


End file.
